I Am Not Perfect

Learning to Be Kind to Myself

Dear Readers,

There are so many hats that I wear at any given time, although these are generalized statements, there is truth to all of them. 

(These include working with colleagues, parents, administrators and students.)

As a teacher leader, I am a driver. I set my mind to something, regardless of what it is and I make it happen to the best of my ability. In addition, I am also extremely analytical. I love research, data and working through processes, such as writing curriculum. 

As a decision maker, I really take the time to listen, process, think and then respond. 

As a problem solver, I like to think through several solutions to a problem before deciding on the most appropriate one. 

As an educator, I would rather collaborate any day of the week than work independently. It has always been my nature to share, share, share. 

As a literacy teacher, I have the patience, compassion, empathy, knowledge and understanding to build relationships, make connections and implement instructional practices that benefit all my students.

As a learner I am a sponge. I attend any professional development available to me, read every resource I can get my hands on and borrow ideas from amazing educators. I am never afraid to ask questions or admit I do not know something.

Seeing this written down, makes me feel very proud of myself. So, why did I have such high expectations for myself that were so unrealistic? Why did I feel as though I failed myself when I was unable to meet them?

Why was I so hard on myself?

One of the most beneficial things a mentor said to me once was, "Teresa, you are not perfect. Nobody is perfect." This person knew my work ethic, my drive, my knowledge, my passion for literacy, as well as my inability to say, "Teresa, you can make mistakes."

Ironically, my perfectionist type attitude was reserved for me only. Never, had I expected those around me to obtain perfection, I knew it was not achievable. I encouraged failure as part of the learning experience. My students knew that everything is a process and it is how we get there that is more important than the end result. I sat side by side with colleagues helping them plan lessons, integrate a new initiative or just listen. 

Why was I unable to grant myself permission to make mistakes?

I am still not sure I know the answer to this question. Maybe it is because I saw it as a flaw in me when something went wrong. Maybe it is because my whole life I have tried to be perfect and never felt as though I measured up. Maybe it is because at one time I thought people would think less of me if I "messed up."

However, since that conversation with my mentor, I am much kinder to myself. I know it is not the end of the world if I messed up "the data" and it can indeed be fixed. I know that in 5 years it will not matter that I copied the wrong handout for a meeting. I know that worrying about things out of my control is not an advantageous use of my time.

Every day I work to not place expectations of myself on a pedestal that is unreachable. I do not expect that of others, why should I treat myself any differently?

Please check out #MyBad episode at Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?

Warmly,

Teresa

Love Me For Who I Am, Not Who You Expect Me to Be

Why Not Give Adults the Same Courtesy & Respect We Give Students?

Dear Readers,

One of my favorite sayings to both adults and students is:

"Do not ask a question that you are not ready to hear the answer to."

Working with middle school students has really caused me to be open-minded and expect the unexpected. Over time and with experience, I know when I pose a question, statement or topic I need to be ready for the response they want to give and not the one I am looking for. Otherwise, why ask in the first place?

It seems as though we talk about treating every student as an individual and knowing them emotionally, socially, academically.....the whole child. Why does it seem as thought we do not always treat adults with the same respect and courtesy?

We can control our words and actions, but we cannot control someone else's. People have the right to react how they want whether it be good, bad or ugly. As adults, do we really accept that about each other? A student mouths off to us and we dig deeper and discover there are problems at home. An adult has a reaction we were not expecting and all kinds of assumptions are made.

For example, it is extremely interesting to talk with people about suicide. It is part of my vocabulary. Is it typical conversation for most people? Probably not because it has not impacted their world. However it has found its way into my world twice. The first time, the person survived thankfully. The second time the person did not. Both family members. Both unexpected. Both male. It is most definitely part of my life. 

That's just the tip of the iceberg in the life of Teresa Gross (she/her/hers). I have dealt with things people could never imagine. Everything that has happened has caused me to be the person I am today. I sincerely would not go back and change any of it. 

I have found the people I have established friendships with and maintain those friendships are those that truly and sincerely accept me for the good days and the bad, the laughter and the tears, the happy moments and the sad, are willing to listen but know when to give me space. They know when I am having an "off day" that sometimes they need to just "give it back to me" and offer up some tough love. You know who are! I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your friendship.

As we enter the holiday season, but keeping this in mind every day of the year, let's give each other the same respect we give students. 

• Don't assume you know everything about a person.
• Don't make assumptions based on actions or words, dig deeper and find out what might be causing that response.
• Don't always take things personally, sometimes the person might just be having a bad day. 
• Understand that holidays are not joyful times for all. They can be extremely emotional for some. 
• It's okay for people to be sad, angry, down, etc. They should never be judged or ashamed about being real.
• Be patient and kind with people. You never know what anniversaries they might be dealing with on any given day. Anniversaries can be tough.
• Offer a smile, an ear, a hug, an invite........you never know how much that can mean to someone.

Mental health is so difficult, by making assumptions about people we are adding to that stigma. If we want students to be global, empathetic citizens we need to model that, really model that with everyone.

As always this time of year, I am grateful for all of you who inspire me, encourage me, love me, accept me, challenge me and are just there for me. You will never know how much it means to me.

Warmly,

Teresa

I Am Teresa Gross, She/Her/Hers

Accepting Students For Who They Are and Not Who We Think They Should Be

Dear Readers,

Recently, I was at a conference in Washington DC and heard presenters introducing themselves with pronouns, which caused me to do some research. I was not familiar with this introduction.

Additionally, as I was wandering through a bookstore a few weeks ago, a friend recommended the book, Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out. The courageous teens who shared their stories both humbled and inspired me. Consequently, it also made me reflect on how I identify myself.

I am considered a “female” by traditional society’s standards and am treated as such. I wear dresses, heels, makeup, accessories and am attracted to men. I have never felt like I was born into the wrong body. I have never been made to feel uncomfortable shopping in women’s clothing stores. I have never been made to feel like I am going through a phase or that something is wrong with me. I can find movies, television shows, books and magazines that cater to my preferences and I can relate to. As my literary tastes have changed, I have always been able to find characters like me.

Reflecting on all of this, do our students feel the same? Are we allowing all students to be who they are and not what "traditional society" expects? Do we embrace our students for who they are and not what we expect them to be? In our classrooms, do we provide them with characters and books they can make connections to?

Our students are not lexiles, they are readers. When we ask why they chose a book, it should not be because it was at my reading level.

I had two experiences in the past month discussing book choices with seventh grade boys. One of them I recommended War Child: A Child Soldier’s Story to. I asked him how he liked it. The response was, “I liked how he went to jail to become a better person.” This led into a conversation about sometimes we have to make difficult choices to better ourselves. The other student was reading Shadow Boxer. When asked what he thought about it, he replied, “I like it because it’s about a father and son’s relationship.”

Our students need to be able to see themselves in literature. They get lost in a text because of characters like them, social issues they are dealing with, conflicts that are happening in their lives and seeking solutions to problems. How diverse are our classroom libraries? Do we shy away from particular texts or genres due to our discomfort?

In addition, are we using literature to build empathetic global citizens? Close reading and comprehension is more than just synthesis and integration of text. It is asking questions that allow students to feel what others are feeling. A few examples I have posed to my 7th grade students are:

• How would you feel if your village or town was destroyed by rebel soldiers and you were forced to flee?
• How would you feel if your family or loved ones were missing and you did not know where they were or what happened to them?
• How would you feel if you were forced to move to a country you knew very little or nothing about?

As we proceed through the year, I am noticing a change in their responses. They are able to see situations from another’s perspective. However, this does not just happen. As educators we have to give our young people the skills and strategies to do this.

Even more importantly, they need to have the vocabulary and ability to express themselves. Recently I had an “aha” teaching moment when we attempted to create a class anchor chart of emotion/feeling vocabulary. What did I discover? Many of my 7th graders did not have the language to express feelings or emotions beyond the basic happy, sad, angry, depressed, etc. As a former speech therapist, it is incredibly important to me that students can express themselves and have that internal word bank to access.

If we want empathetic, caring, kind global citizens, we must find ways for them to connect to and accept others.

Warmly,

Teresa

Letters to a Military Family Touch My Heart

The Importance of Empathy

Dear Readers,

It is the day after our annual Veterans Day Morning Meeting and celebration at school. Each year our school community comes together to honor those who have served and invite these heroes for a morning of discussion, poetry reading, music and celebration. Our 7th graders have the unique opportunity to engage in small group discussions with our veterans. Fortunately, I was able to participate in these conversations this year.

As I wandered around taking pictures and listening to snippets of stories, I was drawn to a woman who had several artifacts with her and sat down at her table. I listened as she told the story of how a member in her family was killed in action.

Unbelievably enough, she had letters sent to the family from fellow soldiers and the War Department. She graciously allowed us to pass them around and read them.

Holding those letters and reading those messages, brought me back in time as I tried to put myself in the shoes of those on the receiving end. As I read them, I thought about our military families who serve our country in a different way. Imagine not knowing if your loved one(s) are alive, missing or dead? Imagine being a child or spouse and having your mother, father, wife, husband, partner gone for months or even years living in life or death situations?

A consistent message throughout the correspondence was letting the families know their loved one had died instantly and painlessly. An instant connection I made to that was, after losing my dad, it has always been my hope, that he passed quickly and painlessly. As I read and made personal connections, it brought me back into my current classroom. If we want empathetic, caring, kind global citizens, we must find ways for them to connect to others.

Close reading and comprehension is more than just synthesis and integration of text. It is asking questions that allow students to feel what others are feeling.

In my 7th grade Language and Literature class, I have been posing reflective questions to them and having them participate in gallery walk tasks. A few of the questions I have asked them to reflect on include:

As we proceed through the year, I am noticing a change in their responses. They are able to see situations from another’s perspective. However, this does not just happen. As educators we have to give our young people the skills and strategies to do this.

Even more importantly, they need to have the vocabulary and ability to express themselves. Recently I had an “aha” teaching moment when we attempted to create a class anchor chart of emotion/feeling vocabulary. What did I discover? Many of my 7th graders did not have the language to express feelings or emotions beyond the basic happy, sad, angry, depressed, etc. As a former speech therapist, it is incredibly important to me that students can express themselves and have that internal word bank to access.

All of our students deserve a safe, caring, loving learning environment. As educators, it is our responsibility to create that. One way we can do that is modeling, teaching and giving students opportunities to practice empathy.

Warmly,

Teresa

Manipulatives Are NOT Just For Math

Hands-On Literacy

Dear Readers,

When I sit down to read a professional resource, I am surrounded by post-it notes, highlighters, pens, pencils and sometimes a notebook. I interact with my text by marking pages, annotating the margins, jotting down notes, etc. I have come to consider these "manipulatives" for reading and writing. I share these strategies with my students.

The Writing Units of Study have proven to be excellent resources and I wanted to think of a fun and creative way to prepare my 7th grade students for their narrative writing. 

After reading A Long Walk to Water and learning about the Lost Boys of Sundan, I tried out an idea I had seen in a book. The idea was to collect artifacts about the unit being studied. I passed out empty boxes and those became our "trunks". 

I took my students to the library where they were tasked with finding "artifacts" to integrate all the information they had learned. It proved to be an extremely beneficial learning and research experience as we had discussions regarding....

• maps
• culture
• countries
• climate
• refugee camps
• military
• civil war

.....just to name a few! The second piece of integrating their learning was to write a short narrative, using their artifacts as inspiration, from the perspective of a refugee. This document was then added to their collection of artifacts.

As we continued on our "collecting" journey, the students continued researching through informational articles. As a result, they chose relevant and key vocabulary to add to their artifacts using index cards. In addition, we built a class anchor chart of writing techniques, vocabulary and possible seed moments.

Finally, I started creating a Story Arc model to share with my class. The Units of Study does a fantastic job incorporating external and internal story elements. I thought, I bet the kids would love getting a huge piece of chart paper and post-its to create their Story Arc. Well, their eyes lit up like they were receiving the best gift! They have had a wonderful time using chart paper, markers and post-its to plan their writing. 

The post-it notes have proven to be a confidence builder. The students can move, edit and revise without having to erase, cross out and feel like they are starting over. I always tell them the messier the better, it means a lot of thinking is happening! I even showed them how to be resourceful and turn the post-it notes over to use both sides.

I have sincerely had a blast piloting this process with them. Language and Literature can be "hands-on" when we think outside the box and "re-consider" our definition of tactile learning.

Happy writing!

Warmly,

Teresa

Halloween Costume Changes Tone of Classroom?

Ms. Gross is Missing!!!!

Dear Readers,

I have never felt the urge to dress-up on Halloween, however have always loved the "cuteness" of the holiday. For some odd reason, I was extremely motivated to come dressed as a book character this year. 

Some of my students knew I was thinking about it, however I kept mentioning coming as Wendy from Peter Pan. Later that evening I was browsing through my picture books and found Miss Nelson is Missing and decided I would come as Ms. Gross' alter ego, the mean Miss Viola Swamp.

Of course I gave 100% to the role! My day started in the upstairs hallway waiting for my Homebase students. As I stood there, students were looking at me in absolute amazement. Many of them complimented me on my costume. Of course, since I was the one wearing the make-up, I forgot how much it transformed me into someone else. Throughout the day, it was a little comical watching people talk to me! Most of them smiled, said how "cute" or "pretty" a "witch" I was, but some seemed almost frazzled! 

Something a 7th grade Language & Literature student said to me during lunch, prompted a reflection question.

It is customary for me to leave Morning Messages. I always make a point of addressing the class as "learners", "authors", whatever we happen to be doing. Additionally, my closing is always Sincerely, Ms. Gross. 

This is the message that was left on Monday.

Please note the tone of the message. The following day, my student commented that he did not like me dressed up because it was SO different! He hated the black lipstick. That commented prompted this reflection question:

How did Viola Swamp change the learning environment?

Here are some of the responses (paraphrased):

• It was fun.

• It was surprising at first, but then it was funny.

• It helped us get in the holiday spirit.

• Your message was not warm like it usually is.

• We were not allowed to talk, laugh, giggle, get tissues, etc. It was very strict.

• You looked so different, the black lipstick was scary.

• I was afraid what would happen if I did not get my work down!

• It wasn't our sweet lovable Ms. Gross.

Despite the fact that I was the same exact person, I had unintentionally set a completely different tone to our learning environment than what the students were used to. 

I pride myself on creating a safe, caring, loving learning environment. This confirmed my belief that it truly does make a different and students (even middle schoolers) really do notice and appreciate it.

Warmly,

Teresa