Suffering in Silence

A Trying 2018 So Far!

Dear Readers,

I think one of my favorite qualities about myself is I am a good listener. I sincerely listen to understand and not to problem solve, unless asked. In fact, it makes some people uncomfortable. The silence is not something they are accustomed to and they will often pause and say, are you there? (if on the phone) Are you okay? (if we are face to face) My response is, I am listening. 

In social gatherings and situations, I tend to sit back and observe and listen. The introverted part of me has to take in my surroundings and process everything. I tend to read people very well. In fact a friend and I joke that I would make an excellent FBI Profiler. 

People have told me that I give off "good energy" or they like being around me. I am incredibly empathetic to those going through tough times and do not often find myself in a conversation I feel anxious talking about. Pretty much any topic is within my comfort zone. 

I wonder why....when I am facing particular difficult times, I always choose to go it alone. There are plenty of people in my life who would support me, listen to me and be there for me. However it seems the more serious the situation, the more I retreat into myself.

About two weeks ago, I faced one of the scariest moments I have dealt with. I had to have an MRI done on my head. Not only did that terrify me, but I am also incredibly claustrophobic. It was a trying week to say the least. I honestly did not know how I was going to get through it.

Sometimes I think we keep things to ourselves in order to protect ourselves and those around us. If I did not talk about it, then it did not seem so real. If I did not dwell on the what ifs, then it did not seem so real. If I passed it off as everything is going to be fine, then I hopefully would not worry others.

Walking into that room and seeing that machine literally took my breath away. I was trembling, I was freezing and my eyes were welling up. It did not get better as I was asked to lay down, then the tears started to fall.

But the people were so good with me and helped ease my fears. They talked to me, worked with me and celebrated with me for making it through. I can never thank them enough nor will they ever know how much their kindness meant to me that day.

Even better news came the next day when the office called and told me all was well.

We can never truly know what is happening in someone else's life. People go through things every day we know nothing about. Sometimes we are living with a potentially life-altering "secret". Like me, sometimes people need time to think and process while others feel comfortable sharing right away.

A sincere thank you to those who knew and were with me every step of the way and those that found out right after and have sent their love and good wishes since. We deal with life in different ways and I am so thankful I am surrounded by people that understand and accept me for who I am. They give me space when I need it and listen when I am ready to talk.

The next time someone is having an "off day" or seems distracted, have patience and remember they might be going through something we know nothing about.

Warmly,

Teresa